I did not want to write this post. I did not want to write anything at all. For the past week, I have been throwing a spiritual temper tantrum. I admit, my heart’s been pouting and my attitude has caused some distance between me and my Creator.

At the beginning of September, things seemed to be shaping up. I was getting back to feeling like myself again. I was feeling liberated. I woke up looking forward to the new day. I was even feeling creative. I was ready to start blogging again. I was ready to venture into other things creatively (stay tuned). As a result of things going my way in life, I could now offer my gifts to God. I know He has blessed me to encourage others through words and as a “thank you” to Him for giving me what I asked for, I could start doing what He has called me to do.

By the end of September, I was hit with news that I did not want to hear. I could feel myself going backwards. I could feel the anxiety creep in. I reverted back to feeling chained. I began to look forward to the frustrating days. Did God renege? Why is this happening to me? I did not ask for this.

Suddenly I feel confused. I am timid and afraid. I don’t want to blog. I just want to show God that I didn’t ask for this and show Him that I am upset. And in the midst of my anger, I began finding hope and comfort in the wrong places.

I stopped looking toward the cross.

Today I was challenged. Today, October 10, 2018, as I write this, I am challenged. Instead of asking “Why is this happening to me?” I should ask, “Who/What is my hope in?”

I realized that I began to lose a bit of hope in God. Because things weren’t going how I planned, my eyes on the cross wandered and here I am. But today I am grateful that I have a place to look. It’s my choice to have hope. Even though life does not always look like how I want, I still have a ton of blessings. And as a result of those blessings, I have no excuse not to pursue the abundance of God’s grace. I have no reason to refuse to do what He has called me to do. I have no reason to lose hope.

One of the biggest blessings that I have is the reconnection to God because of cross where Jesus bore my sins. Today, I was reminded of this song, At The Cross and the lyrics hit home.

Oh Lord You’ve searched me
You know my way
Even when I fail You
I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There’s no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now

God searched me and knows me so well. He sees my failure. He knows that I often have spiritual temper tantrums. He knows that I’ve been adjusting to the things that life has thrown at me. He knows that I needed to be put in a place where I had the opportunity to only look to the cross and place my hope in Him.

What can separate me now? I cannot even hinder myself from the separation of the love displayed at the cross. My pity party cannot won’t stop God from refining me and growing me to totally depend on Him.

So God, I’m coming to you for forgiveness for even desiring to turn to other things or people for comfort because I’m unhappy with a circumstance. You are still faithful and good. Your promises stand firm. I choose to place my Hope in You. Amen.

Who or what have you placed your hope or comfort in? Are your eyes on the cross?

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