Growing up in a black household, whippings were very common. In one of my earlier blogs, I described how we had a list of consequences hanging on the refrigerator right next to the chore list. One thing I remember most about the whippings were the sayings that came before them.

“This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you.”

“I am only doing this because I love you.”

“You’ll thank me for this one day.”

Do these phrases sound familiar to you? I remember getting so annoyed because I didn’t understand them growing up. Please parents, don’t waste your breath, I remember thinking. Ditch the fluff and let’s just finish the punishment. Seriously, how is a whipping going to hurt the parent more when they aren’t the ones being hit? How does inflicting pain on your [favorite] child 🙂 come from love?

I eventually (years later) came to understand that the discipline was truly out of love. Love said, that you cannot let your child continue and develop bad habits. Love said, train up a child in the way that they should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. Love said, this is going to hurt me more than you.

Recently, I have dealt with quite a few growing pains that all hit me at once. I’ve been stretched and challenged in so many areas of my life: my job, my passions, relationships, family. It seemed as if God was being very cruel. My shortcomings were being highlighted and I grew incredibly anxious.

Ugh, God, why do I have to improve? Why couldn’t He let me stay in my complacency? Why did He have to place me in an environment where I would be forced to grow? Why did He present the opportunity for me to only depend Him?

These questions sound terrible when I say them aloud or see them written, but they are basically the questions that I subconsciously ask when I doubt God’s motives. Is He truly all-knowing? What are these “plans” that He has for me? Hindsight shows me that it was all for my good. But I question Him so much. I often ask why. Why does He do this to me?

Because He loves me.

My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline,
and do not resent his rebuke,
because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
as a father the son he delights in.

Proverbs 3: 11-12

It’s crazy to think that I am experiencing the realness of life because of love. I had to stop and shift my perspective from the idea that God is doing something to me instead of doing something for me.

And I am in awe of His love as I think about one huge thing that He did for me; a whipping I was spared from. God sent His Son, Jesus Christ to take on my guilt and shame so that I could be refined. Jesus took my whipping to give me the chance to be challenged and molded by the Father. He told me that it was going to hurt Him more than me. And He was willing to take on this pain because He loves me.

Has there been a time where you felt like God didn’t love you? Let me know in the comments!

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