For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Such a commonly quoted Scripture that has become more and more real to me throughout this year. On my birthday last December, I wrote a journal entry that outlined a desire that seemed really “new.” I wrote down for the first time that I wanted to pursue public speaking. I didn’t really know what that looked like — still don’t really know, but I felt so confident to make the declaration. I thought that if I could write it down, then I could say it aloud. And if I could say it aloud, then I could do it.

In January of 2018, my church conducted its annual week of prayer and called for anyone willing to do a CovTalk, or 15 minute talk before prayer time. I volunteered with hopes that I could start practicing this “new” desire.

I talked about actually believing God in addition to believing in Him; not only believing that He could but that He would. As I was preparing the message, I began to look at my life for some personal application.

At first I was a tiny bit irritated with God. Like God, you knew that I would declare this at 27 years old. Why couldn’t I have known this sooner in life? Maybe I would’ve taken more classes growing up on public speaking or picked a different major in college. It seemed unfair that He would allow me to continue this journey with marketing and other hobbies, knowing that my desires would change or evolve.

He knows the plans He has for me. Do I actually believe that? And if He knows what those plans are, does He really know how to execute them?

I admit, I have trust issues.

I continued to organize the message and some patterns began to stand out to me. I saw God’s hand throughout my life in a different way than ever before. He graciously revealed to me that He truly knows what He is doing.

I realized that all of the oratorical contests and speech meets that I participated in and always placed was God knowing His plans for me.

I realized that all of the random moments that my dad called me on stage to read a Scripture or give the welcome at church was God knowing His plans for me.

I realized that performing musicals and plays in high school was God knowing His plans for me.

I realized that leading worship on Sundays at church was God knowing His plans for me.

I realized that working at Kids Across America (U Know) as Programs Director and encouraging others to act with my voice was God knowing His plans for me.

I realized that being at my job now where I get on stage and speak before thousands of people was God knowing His plans for me.

Okay, God, you win. No, I didn’t have a personal coach walk me through public speaking growing up. No, I still don’t really know what that looks like practically. But here’s what I do know — I know what God has done for me and promised me. The evidence is all here and these moments in my life have prepared me for where I am and where He wants me to be.

I believe more things will come. I still have so much to learn. Although I do not know exactly what the future holds, God reminded me that He indeed knows His plans; I just need to believe Him.

I am going to post the talk (yal I’m nervous) later this week on Instagram, so make sure we are connected! @qi_bee

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